Baby Eaters of the Week: Hometown Edition

This has been a while in coming, but until the Leafs actually play their next game it's still totally relevant.

Thanks to nothing of significance happening in the hockey world since Wednesday, I rewatched the Toronto vs. Carolina game because despite the final score and Giguere letting in five goals, I enjoyed it immensely. I then rewatched part of the Toronto vs. Tampa game, but only part of it because the only real highlight was Steve Downie reminding us all why he's a total d-bag when he tried to pick a fight with Colby Armstrong despite the latter having already missed part of the game with a hand injury (broken finger?). Classy. Big ups for Armstrong who under no circumstances should have been forced into that position in the first place.

Now, without further ado, I give you my Baby Eaters of the Week:

Number 3: James Reimer.

He may not have gotten the win on Tuesday, but Pierre McGuire still named Reimer McGuire's Monster thanks in no small part to his stopping all three of Martin St. Louis' breakaways. This is significant despite being an honour bestowed by the third most worthless hockey analyst on TSN, as he got the recognition despite Roloson coming up big with a shut-out. Not that Reimer needs (or enjoys) recognition;  he called himself out in his post-game interview claiming that he needs to be able to shut it down when the team needs it. Wow - a goalie and a mensch.

The truth is that he got absolutely no help in the first twenty whatsoever. The second goal in particular resulted after he pulled off a crazy save and not a single Leaf was able to clear the rebound before Teddy Purcell could get to it. The fact that the score was only 2-0 for Tampa at the end of the first was nothing short of a miracle, and that miracle's name is James Reimer.

(Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images)

Also, he has a great smile.

Number 2: Tim Brent

In Monday night's game against Carolina, Brent turned it up to eleven ('it' being beast mode, obviously) and scored two quick goals just over a minute apart. He also fed a beautiful pass to Brown who netted the fourth (and, sadly, last) tally for the Leafs.

The goals are at 1:07 in the video, and man, they are as sleek and sexy as goals can be. Please note that this game is particularly important as it was shortly after the final buzzer that Tim Brent was persuaded to get a Twitter account. And yes, I take great pride in having been one of his first hundred followers.

And finally, the Baby Eater of the Week is none other than....

Clarke MacArthur

At 5'11'' he is almost a full foot shorter than Zdeno Chara, but by no means did that stop him from swinging Chad LaRose all the way around his head in a move that emulated Chara's treatment of Bryan McCabe all those years ago.

Now that is truculence.

CBC, NHLPA player poll

CBC released the results to its 2010/2011 Player Poll, done in conjunction with the NHLPA (well, clearly), and there are a couple key bits of information I would like to address.

I understand that CBC has gotten lots of mileage out of this Crosby/Ovechkin rivalry, but was it really necessary to bring up Ovie's shortcomings every time Crosby was awarded a win in any given category? The blurbs for toughest forward to play against, player you'd most like to start a franchise, best role model, toughest to play against, and smartest player all work in a little Ovie jab about how he's not the one with top honours. Man, they even make a point of how Ovechkin only got number one in a single category instead of, you know, discussing why the goalies voted him the toughest player to stop in the first place. From CBC: "The odd thing is that there are only four categories where Ovechkin is in the top five, and this is the only place where he is rated number one. On the other hand, Sidney Crosby gets mention in 10 separate categories and only once is he not in the top two." As Greg Wyshynski put it, "And on the other hand, there are actually a few other players in the League not named Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin. Weird"

I'm Canadian and I have a Crosby keychain that I purchased in Vancouver after he scored the gamewinner in the shootout of the Switzerland vs. Canada preliminary match. I've been watching him play (hard not to given his media time) before he was even drafted and I believe that he has consistently improved in every single season he has played. I love watching him play and think he's absolutely remarkable.

But dear god,  stop shitting on Ovechkin. It's getting old. I mean, obviously he's no Phil Kessel, but this is ridiculous.

Final note before I go eat pancakes (yay Sunday!) -- Ron Wilson got the nod as the coach players would least like to play for with an overwhelming 24%. That's right: a quarter of the league doesn't want anything to do with him.

Fire Ron Wilson.

Nick Kypreos and the stick up his ass

Nick Kypreos is not happy, and thanks to Ryan VandenBussche, he now gets to write about it for a national media outlet.

It seems Mr. Kypreos was not impressed with the format of the All Star Fantasy Draft that took place last night to kick off All Star Weekend, as he was a wee bit miffed about the whole Phil Kessel being drafted last thing.

Pierre + Kypreos = TSN Dream Team

"The interest in this year's NHL all-star weekend was for all the wrong reasons. Drafts are supposed to be about who is picked first -- not last, yet that was the focus Friday night in the televised proceedings ahead of Sunday's game. I give the league and the players credit for trying something different, but not at the expense of someone's pride and reputation."

Come on Kyp. I know your brains have been scrambled a couple times over, but isn't the fact that the league generated any interest at all in a brand new 90-minute event that included entirely unnecessary TSN panel cut-aways and a ridiculous pre-draft show something that you, as an analyst for TSN, should be grateful for? Of course nobody gives a shit about who the best of the best are. We all already drafted them in our fantasy leagues in the top five positions. Well, except for Cam Ward, he went a bit later.

The intrigue comes from getting to see what the players think of their peers, and who they want on their teams. There was always going to be awkwardness, but that was the fun of it - to watch a player with a 5-year $27 million contract squirm a bit in his seat. Was he thrilled about it? No, probably not. But neither was I when I was picked last for basketball, but you know what? I got through it.

Phil Kessel's numbers are not astounding. He's a good player. He's one of the Leafs' best players.  Arguable is their best (of course, if you argued that, you'd be wrong). But hell, I probably would have drafted him last too.

Kyper, the guy's a professional athlete. He competed for his country in the Olympics and was drafted fifth overall in 2006. If, like you claim, "...the label of 'last player picked' is now something he will have to carry through his career," maybe he should work a little harder. Seriously, he would have to have the most mediocre career in hockey if that's the only thing he's going to be remembered for.

Kypreos goes on to whine that beyond the whole ruined-reputation-for-life thing, it's an even bigger deal because he plays for the Leafs. 

"Toronto's market can ill afford to take any more hits. Leaf fans already know where they stand on the scale of respectability, and a Leaf being picked last is another shot at a once-storied franchise. Watching Alex Ovechkin taking a cell phone picture as Patrick Kane announced 'with the last pick,' you start to wonder how many around the league quietly enjoyed Kessel's humiliation."

Ovechkin takes a photo of Kessel sitting alone. 'Cuz he's a baller.

It's cute that Kypreos is so concerned about "Toronto's market," but come on now, where does he think the league got the money to finance the two personalized jerseys for each player and rookie (dependant on who drafted them) and the crazy haze stuff that they all skated through at the beginning of the Super Skills Competition today? Hint: it starts with 'r' and ends with 'evenue sharing'.

More to the point, as a Leaf fan I had absolutely no problem with Kessel going last. In fact, I thought it was pretty funny. Hell, that's the only reason I didn't turn the draft off after thirty minutes.

But hey, if professional athletes can't handle it maybe it's time to redesign recess in elementary schools. In fact, let's also throw out the scoreboards so none of them ever have to know what it feels like to lose.

Grow up, Kypreos.

Stan Lee's unpaid intern triumphs again

Well, I guess this was inevitable.

The league has released the bio for the 23rd NHL Guardian, "The Maple Leaf."

Much like the actual team, he poses absolutely no real threat.

Ugh.

Way to be consistent, guys

In just 24 hours, the Leafs went from being shut out 7-0 to the Rangers (way to defend Elisha Cuthbert's honour, Phaneuf) to blasting Anaheim 5-2.

The time between the slaughter and the actual game allowed for much self-reflection, and I'm not so sure how I feel about it.

For starters, I am not proud of myself for not turning off Wednesday night's shit show. I didn't need to watch the clock ticking down in the third period, I didn't need to see that sixth goal, and I certainly did not need to see the seventh. I also could have done without the knowledge that Lebda wasn't on the ice, which meant I couldn't technically blame him for the carnage. I still did, but I acknowledge that that probably wasn't fair.

I pride myself on focusing on the things I care about and not wasting my time on people or things that do nothing but upset me. And then there's the Leafs, and those seven (hey, remember way back when, when it was sometimes eight!) whole months a year when I can't help but sink hours and hours of my time into watching them rip my heart out of my chest, stuff it back in, resuscitate me just in the nick of time, then rip it out and skate over it a few hundred times just to make sure I get it.

And then they play like they did yesterday.

Giguere has a great night that bumps his SV% to .900, Bozak reminds me of all the reasons I seriously considered buying his jersey last year, Grabbo ties his career-high 20 goal season in just 45 games, and Phaneuf even hits somebody.

Sick diving save by Jiggy. Seriously. I have no joke. It was awesome.

So yes, all the signs point to a wildly unhealthy relationship that I am investing far too much time into and relying on emotionally in ways I most certainly should not. (Did I mention I just bought a Leafs blow-up chair?)

But then sometimes they win, which makes me happy, so I call Pops and we talk about how Grabbo's exceeding our wildest expectations and isn't he just dandy and thank god Schenn is stepping up with the big minutes in a big way, and argue about which of their names I should get on the jersey he should definitely buy me for my birthday this year...

Euh. I'm not going to read too much into it.

(Photo from Getty Images via mapleleafs.nhl.com)

Baby Eater of the Week

After a short hiatus, I am back to give the people what they want. I understand how difficult the past week must have been for all of you, watching hockey games wondering who on earth the Baby Eater could possibly be.

But fret not, my blog-reading friends, for this one more than makes up for it. There is so much awesome to this player that he hasn't even gotten the chance to fight anyone this season due to his hits being so brutal that no player is stupid enough to drop the gloves and give him further opportunity to bring the pain.

To top it all off, when he's not knocking bitches down, he's contributing offensively, like with this beaut from last night against the Oilers. He now has nine points in the last eleven games; not bad for a twenty year-old defenseman playing top minutes.

Did I mention he has a gold medal?

Drew Doughty of the Los Angeles Kings and his bone-crushing hit on Taylor Hall:

Said Doughty on the hit: “My intent wasn’t to injure him or anything like that, he was flying through the center with his head down and I saw the opportunity to knock him off the puck, and I did just that… our team after that, I thought we picked it up and we were pretty dominant from that point on.”

Inspiring your team to dominate? Total Baby-Eater material right there.

Also, he did all this while wearing a bright purple jersey. Bad ass.

Reim in his prime, right on time

It may only be 12 days into January, but it's not too early to declare 2011 the year of James Reimer. In response to his heroic exploits on the west coast this week, Governor Jerry Brown called an emergency press conference this morning during which he surrendered the state of California to the Leafs' wunderkind goalie in an effort to avoid further humiliation. 

In his five starts this season Reimer has four wins, a GAA of 1.92, a SV% of .947, and has had significant impact in aiding non-violent communications between North and South Korea to stave off what many were calling an inevitable WWIII. More importantly, having him in the pipes has led me to be overwhelmed by a strange and unfamiliar sense of calm. Even in the dying minutes of Monday's game in Los Angeles when Dion Phaneuf took a dumbass slashing penalty that would normally cause me to bang my head repeatedly on my desk to numb the pain that would come when the other team would score the obligatory goal mere seconds in, I found myself smiling; there was no doubt in my mind that despite the Kings having two extra skaters on the ice, Reimer was not letting that puck in the net. He was cool, calm, and collected, and for the first time in years I was at ease (and I swear it had nothing to do with the knowledge that Lebda was far, far from play, safe in the confines of the press box... although I'm definitely all for keeping him there). 

It's amazing because for the first time in ages I am happy with a Leafs goaltender not because I am encouraged by his steady improvement (*cough* Gus), or bolstered by the possibility that he may in fact not be totally past his prime (*wheeze**hack**cough* Giguere), or even just plain thrilled that it was anyone at all whose jersey didn't read "TOSKALA" across the back. I am happy because he is playing well now. You can call small sample size, or argue that he's untested, but the fact remains that I really don't think it's an overreaction at all for Toronto Mayor Rob Ford to immediately erect a 20-foot statue of Reimer in Maple Leaf Square and make Ron Wilson do all of his post-game interviews directly in front of it. Try to send him down now, Ron! Oh, can't do it can you? Damn those incredibly young and talented hockey players deserving their ice time. Damn them to hell.

Also, have you ever seen a bigger smile in your life?

Speaking of young talented Maple Leafs I am a huge fan of, my boy Tim Brent got into the fisticuffs with Marco Sturm of the Kings. Note how quickly the refs jump in. They clearly both knew if they didn't interfere immediately Sturm was a goner. No one crosses Tim Brent and lives to tell about it.

Note the pride in Joe Bowen's voice as Brent gets into his very first tiff. Adorable.

Because why wouldn't hockey appeal to comic book nerds?

With the World Junior Hockey Championship ending in Canadian tears (not my own, fortunately, as I was far too stunned by what had just happened to react in any physical or emotional way) followed  closely by the conclusion of HBO's 24/7 (which, somehow, managed to successfully make the Winter Classic look much more exciting than it actually was) I find myself suddenly faced with no more hockey-based entertainment to distract me from the Maple Leafs being complete crap.

Except for the NHL's Gaurdian Project.

I'm not quite sure how Napolean Bettman can go from getting it so right with the HBO deal to getting it so very, very wrong, but given his history of ruining the league one expansion team at a time, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. In case you've missed it, the NHL made a deal with Stan Lee of Spiderman fame (and that of virtually every other huge Marvel comic book franchise ever) to design an individual superhero for all 30 teams as some sort of tie-in to the All Star Game (I know, I didn't think they could make it any more pathetic either). To be honest, I really hadn't been following the story that closely until they started releasing the characters one by one on NHL.com.

"ESPN will wish they never dropped us!"

The first released was obviously "The Penguin", and much to my surprise it is not simply a photo of Sidney Crosby with the gold medal on his neck and the Stanley Cup over his head. As Greg Wyshynski of Puck Daddy pointed out, it is in fact Cyclops with the Pens logo on his chest. Cyclops The Penguin (yes, when I hear "Penguin" I think Danny Devito, too) is described as a "visionary" with "a love of science and innovation," all traits that would in no way have helped the team in the Winter Classic. Or a pick up game. Or a recreational skate with children. He also comes with wings, but not the kind that serve a purpose such as flying, mind you. "The wings, like that of an actual Penguin, don't enable him to fly but rather they allow him to maneuver both in the air and especially at sea." With that, The Penguin joins Cypher and Aquaman on my list of superheroes whose exploits sound duller than my own.   

Sadly, it gets worse, as "The King" is described as a "thespian" who hobnobs with celebrities and "would rather be known for his skill and humanitarianism than for the superhuman feats he performs." Still no word on what aforementioned "superhuman feats" are.

Next up, "The Hurricane" whose bio sings his praises as an intellectual who fancies himself an inventor. Fun story: so says the The Penguin's bio! Three heroes in and we're already fielding repeats. Stan Lee is officially senile.

Then there's "The Blackhawk", who is my personal favourite as Stan Lee has actually given him a catchphrase: "Jump on my big shoulders and let's get it done!" Note to self: don't let him near children. "The Blackhawk is also an environmental 'empathy' that is able to control the element of wind." With that one, I reverted to my eight-year-old self and laughed uncontrollably for a solid minute. I really thought I was more mature than that.

And finally, "The Sabre" who is without a doubt the most useless of the bunch, even though neither The Hurricane nor The King actually have powers. His backstory is that he studied hydro-engineering and is a man of "deep thought, choosing to devote his life to green technology" and "would rather outthink his opponent than beat him to smithereens." Strange, when I heard the NHL would be pairing with Stan Lee to create superheroes I kind of thought they'd be going for big, tough, and menacing. You know, like any hockey player and/or superhero? Just me? Moving on ... "He has the ability to be liquid, solid or in a gaseous (vapor), state, depending on what's needed for the situation." And there are 25 more on the way!

Thank you, Stan Lee, for reminding me that there are worse things in the NHL than the Maple Leafs.

Baby Eater of the Year

The Maple Leafs played their last game of 2010 on Thursday against Columbus, and, of course, it was none other than the Blue Jackets' Rick Nash who scored the winner. The Leafs end the year having won 29 games of 77 for a total of 58 points for a winning percentage of .377.

Yes, Really.

So instead of reflecting on the Leafs 2010 campaign which could only end in tears and over-consumption of alcohol (it never happened if I can't remember it!), I thought I'd continue on with what I started last week and bring you the Baby Eater of the Year.

Now, this isn't your everyday Baby Eater, folks. This selection speaks to why players like Wendel Clark and Gary Roberts will always have a special place in my heart. I'm all for hockey fights, not only for their entertainment value, but as a barometer for a player's investment in a game. I want to see frustration when things aren't going well, and I want to see players defending their teammates when they are at the receiving end of a dirty play. That being said, I'm not a fan of hired goons. Well, other than Colton Orr, obviously, because anyone who makes Matt Carkner cry like a little girl is fine by me.

I understand the importance of having goons on a roster, not only because they are properly trained as fighters (and therefore actually know how, for the most part, which should theoretically decrease the likelihood of them getting destroyed), but also as a form of on-ice insurance for the smaller skilled guys. But simply being a good fighter doesn't necessarily a good hockey fight make. It's the skilled guys who don't need to fight, the ones that for all intents and purposes shouldn't fight, that are truly remarkable to watch. That's why I am a big fan of the Gordie Howe hat trick. For a guy to score, assist and fight all in one game - dude's a hockey player.

So I present to you my Baby Eater of 2010. He is one of the most skilled guys on the ice at any time, and in what I'm sure is a first and last for a Baby Eater, he is the winner of four Lady Byngs for exhibiting sportsmanship and gentlemanly play combined with playing ability (better luck to him next year; looks like his campaign for a fifth is pretty much DOA). That's right, the Baby Eater of 2010 is none other than Pavel Datsyuk of the Detroit Red Wings, thanks to his Gordie Howe hat trick, which included his bout with Anaheim's Corey Perry in the first game of the season for both teams on October 8th. Video via hockeyfightsdotcom.

Pavel Datsyuk, you inspire me.