SLUMP BUSTERS

The story so far: Kessel scored two goals in Boston, busting not only his goal-scoring slump of 14 games, but also scoring for the first time against his former team, finally signaling an end to the Curse of the TopDraftPickserino (Burkerino?). 

The next night the Leafs beat the Sabres in Buffalo with a game-winning shorthanded goal coming from - of all people - Joey Crabb. This puts the Leafs only six points out of a playoff spot. Hell, even Pierre McGuire wasn't excruciatingly terrible tonight (though that's likely a subjective judgment on my part after having to suffer through Glenn Healy commentary earlier this week). Keep your eyes out for the four horsemen of the apocalypse, because this would be their cue.

(You're going to have to imagine the ghost as
the Sabres logo. My Adobe Photoshop trial
was up last week.)

Additionally, I would like to take this opportunity to point and laugh at everyone who doubted Phil Kessel in the previous weeks (I'm looking at you, TSN). If you're a fan of poetic justice, take a gander at them apples:

Grabbo, and Kuli, and Phil - oh my!

That, ladies and gents, is an excerpt from the list of top goal scorers this season. And no, you are not suffering from the same blurred vision plaguing poor Armstrong, that is in fact Phil Kessel's name slotting in at #23, right above none other than Alex Ovechkin. But hey, shed no tears for Ovi - he'll always have his All Star memories.

But all is not perfect in Leafland; as he is apt to do, Burkey just had to open his big mouth. Once again the rumours around a Kaberle trade are intensifying and, much like every other time, it is being handled terribly.

Yesterday, a mere day after releasing a statement saying that all talks with Kaberle and his agent were to be kept private, Brian Burke confirmed to a radio show in Boston - unprompted, nonetheless - that he was in fact discussing a trade involving Kaberle with the Bruins.

Besides making me sick to my stomach for the brief period there seemed to be a chance that Kaberle could be traded before the actual game, I'm sick of Burke continuing to dangle him in front of the media as some sort of trade bait, even if he was just using it as a distraction from the terrible game that took place Saturday.

After a mediocre 2009/2010 season, Kaberle has stepped his game up and has been consistently showcasing why it is he is still considered one of the best puck-moving defensemen in the league. He had the assist on Kessel's go ahead goal tonight by doing just that, and man was it a beauty.

For the record, I would love nothing more than to see the Leafs resign him at the end of the year. However, with each additional publicized attempt of Burke's to get rid of the guy, I just get more and more desperate for the circus to come to an end. I don't want to hear another word about what may or may not happen from Burke about Kabby until he is actually announcing a transaction - deal or trade - that has been completed.

For all Burke's talk about respecting players, I'm not impressed. Kaberle deserves better than the pony show he's had to put up with these past few years and the idea of having him leave the organization after twelve long years under these circumstances is deplorable. Get your act together, Burke, and please learn to shut your damn mouth.

Disclaimer: Yes, I get increasingly sentimental about players the longer they're in blue and white. Deal with it.

Update: Burke actually did it. As of Feb 13th, 2011 Kaberle has been traded to Boston for Colborne, Boston's 2011 first round pick, and a conditional 2012 second rounder. Hold me...

Chicken soup for the battered soul

I don't much care for the Montreal Canadiens. 

I care for them so little that I am not going to torture myself by reliving the "game" that took place between them and the Leafs earlier this evening to offer a bitter analysis of a completely lackluster effort that I'm hoping will just go away if I ignore it.

Instead, I've decided to reflect on some of the better times. Thanks to hockeyfights.com and the wonderful world of the interweb, I was able to dig up some old clips of one of the blue and white bruisers who will always hold a special place in my heart.

Without further ado, I bring you -- Tie Domi Fights Canadiens:

Tie Domi vs. Donald Brashear - Feb 3, 1996

Although Domi would clash with Brashear far more during the latter's tenure with the Philadelphia Flyers, it is this game that stood out as a defining one in my childhood. The notion that a person would take on someone so much larger than him was quite astonishing to my young psyche, and I am pretty certain I can attribute a couple showdowns involving who got to play in the mini-log cabin in the preschool sandbox during recess to the lessons I learned from watching Domi go. Far from being a bad influence, Domi taught me not to be a pushover despite my size. If Canada is serious about putting a stop to bullying, this video should be shown in preschools across the nation.

Tie Domi vs. Shayne Corson - Feb 20, 1999

In what would be but one bout of many, Tie Domi takes down future teammate Shayne Corson. Fun fact: this was the very first fight to take place in the Air Canada Centre, occurring during the first game in the building. Tie Domi wastes no time.

Tie Domi vs. Darren Langdon - Mar 13, 2004

 Perseverance, man. Domi's got it.

Tie Domi vs. Jim Cummins - Oct 23, 1999

I think one of the things that most amazed me about Domi was how calm he looked at the end of his fights. It made him even more terrifying. You know, kind of like a psychopath.

So there you go -- my Hockey Day in Canada coverage.

Actually, one thing worth mentioning: Lupol fought PK Subban, who put the "K" in Klass when he threw his first punch before Lupol could get his helmet off. In related news, I have decided Lupol can't be all bad.

You know who can be all bad? Brett Lebda, who for some unknown reason was playing on one of the  power play units tonight. If I die of an aneurysm in my sleep, this will be why.

Farewell Beauchemin, hello rebuild

Yesterday in a move not I nor any supposed Leafs insiders saw coming, Brian Burke made a deal with the Anaheim Ducks (surprise!) that saw him shipping out top defenseman Francois Beauchemin for left winger Joffrey Lupol and defensive prospect Jake Gardiner who was drafted 17th overall in 2008.

Bye, bye Beauchemin

Gardiner is reportedly a "world-class skater" and was ranked just after Cam Fowler among Duck defensive prospects. As a fan of Cam Fowler, I take this to be fantastic news. Also fantastic: Burkie has finally made a deal that doesn't intend to bring immediate results for the team. By shipping out one of the Leafs top two defensemen in terms of average time on ice (23:45) for no immediate replacement, Burke seems to finally be looking to the future. 

Most trade recaps I've read have given Gardiner another year or two of development either at the college level or the minors before he makes the roster. Ideally this means that by the time he makes the team, he'll hit his stride as a top-four defenseman (as Burkie believes he can be) just as the team is actually getting competitive. Of course, the other side to this is that the redistribution of Beauchemin's minutes will likely result in more ice time for Komisarek and (god help me) Brett Lebda, which can only spell disaster in the short term. But even if this does completely torpedo the Leafs playoff chances this year, the likelihood of them actually having made it had Beauch stuck around was more of a longshot than Sidney Crosby growing a respectable mustache. And this is me being optimistic.

I am pleased with the trade, despite not really having a read on Lupol and what he may or may not be capable of coming off of a missed year due to back surgery.  This is what I have wanted all along -- for Burke to admit that a full rebuild was necessary and stop trying to pass off some big trade (cough, Phaneuf) as the move that will make the Leafs ready for the post-season right now. Rebuilding on the fly was always a terrible idea, and his desperation to push it as a solid plan made me hate him. And I don't want to hate him; he has great hair and a top-notch "back-the-hell-off" face that I have always admired.

Interesting note: In the post-trade presser he gave yesterday, Burke mentioned that he was in a position at the trade deadline last year to have traded Luke Schenn in a move that would certainly have gotten the Leafs into the playoffs. He went on to explain that he didn't do it as his longterm goal is not just to get into the playoffs only to get eliminated in the first round; it is to build a championship. Despite sounding a wee bit like hyperbole (pretty sure the Leafs were around 15 points out of 8th spot at the deadline last year), at least the point he was making is a good one; the only goal is the Stanley Cup.

I leave you with this: I cannot pretend that I was Beauchemin's biggest cheerleader. I cursed him out many a night for those inevitable boneheaded moves that always resulted in goals against. That being said,  I know his numbers were good, especially given his TOI and the competition he was facing. I truly believe that if the Leafs had a roster in which Beauch could have played second-pair minutes rather than first I would have been a bigger fan, which he probably deserved. 

So in this, the time of his departure, I give you Beauchemin's Gordie Howe hat trick against Calgary from last season. Because the only thing better than a Gordie Howe hatty is a goalie fight.

Speaking of:

And also:

Man, even though they keep getting the Leafs' first round picks, I just can't hate the Bruins. That game was absolutely insane.

Holy Tim Brent, Batman

I am certain that I will always remember where I was when James Reimer recorded his first NHL shutout: forced to stealthily stream the game online while stuck in a three-hour 12 person class, sitting on my hands and biting my lip to keep from slapping the table and screaming whenever anything awesome happened. As a result my lip is now about five times its normal size, my beer is tasting suspiciously like blood, and I have no idea what my homework for next week is.

Totally worth it.

What happened tonight was simply beautiful - Reimer was magnificent (and man, do I love seeing him smile), the penalty kill was better than it has been at any point in my recent memory, Rosehill bested Gleason in a bout to avenge the sucker punch (yes, I am going to call it a sucker punch, back off) Gleason sent Kulemin's way last Monday, and Tim Brent took his life and manhood into his own hands when he blocked three shots in a single shift when the Leafs were killing a 5-on-3. He then went on to clear the puck out of the zone despite being doubled over in pain because he's that fucking awesome.

Now it may have had a bit to do with Lebda being a healthy scratch, allowing me to briefly forget that he does in fact exist, but I've got to say that I am currently pretty damn pleased with this roster. The suprise top-producing players are performing well beyond what was expected of them, and even during the rough losses before the All Star break the team had shown up and played well for at least 75% of the full 60-minutes I would ideally like them to each game.

But tonight? 60 full minutes baby! And what's more, the boys in blue and white actually looked like a team. That's right - an actual cohesive unit!

This is both uplifting and completely terrifying as the trade deadline approaches and Burkie fails to admit that at this point in the season the Leafs are not actually contenders/buyers. Burkie, I'm begging you, PLEASE don't do anything stupid. To clarify, stupid moves would be things that result in Grabbo, MacArthur, Kulemin, Kaberle, Versteeg, Schenn, and - and this is very important - Tim Motherf'n Brent not finishing the season with a maple leaf on their chests. Phaneuf - well, do what you please with him. At this point I'm sure someone else must be capable of taking over locker room boom box duties.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue drinking the Moosehead Lager I just discovered that they carry at the brand new CVS four blocks from my apartment (Yay for Canadian beer in American pharmacies), order one of Pucking Hilarious' Optimus Reim shirts, and blissfully celebrate what had to be the most perfect and complete game I've seen the Toronto Maple Leafs play in years.

Brent Johnson: DiPietro Eater

So... this totally happened.

Can't decide if my favourite part is the exact moment that lame-ass smile on DiPietro's face is mercilessly wiped out at the point of contact, or what is surely the most epic turtle-ing display ever seen in the National Hockey League that immediately follows.

The only thing that could have made this better was if it was narrated by Liev Shreiber a la HBO's 24/7. A nice follow-up to the "Brent Johnson - Journeyman Goaltender" storyline to be sure.

The reactions from the Pittsburgh bench are priceless.

(Video via hockeyfights.com)

In defense of Phil Kessel

If you've been watching any sports media outlet that discusses hockey from time to time (bad luck, California), you've probably noticed that Phil Kessel's been getting a heck of a lot of press over the last few days. This is thanks in no small part to his having been drafted last for the All Star Game, and the fact that, well... I'm not sure if you've heard but he was part of this trade over a year ago that involved sending a couple of the Leafs' first round picks from 2011 and 2012 to Boston.

This is still totally significant over a year later whenever discussing Kessel and his on-ice contributions because the Bruins used one of the Leafs' picks to select Tyler Seguin second overall in the 2011 draft. Therefore it is widely accepted by Toronto sports media and fans that this means Kessel must score a goal in every single game he plays in, ever, or else that trade was the dumbest thing Burke has ever done and the Leafs will always be terrible because he totally doesn't have the patience to rebuild like Chicago and Pittsburgh and Atlanta, yada, yada, yada.

However, in all the Kessel criticism there is something people seem to be forgetting - Tyler Seguin has his own name tattooed down his arm.

With head shots on the rise, Seguin's tattoo could prove useful yet.

Kessel will be fine. He rebounded from the inane All Star scrutiny with a solid game tonight that saw him get some great chances, including a sick breakaway in overtime that Clemmenson somehow managed to keep out of the net.

Also, he doesn't have a completely ridiculous tattoo down his arm.

I think we should keep him.

Disclaimer: I am in full support of tattoos and especially tattoo sleeves, but come on.